Am I Out Yet?

The question about my sexuality always comes streaming in. While I do maintain some of the questions are absurd, some of them are rather interesting and help me to explain myself.

Recently, I was asked by a very dear friend to do an interview regarding the same issue and while I was hesitant at first, I came through eventually. In a matter of minutes I managed yoyo from anonymity to complete disclosure of identity. What finally resulted in full disclosure did not stem from lack of exposure of the interview to people other than my friend himself and his superior but because what I had to say was what many other gay people had to say too. It seemed to me that it mattered less who was saying it but rather what was said.

Here is a major chunk of the interview:

Interviewer: How does it feel to be gay?

Me: To answer your question I ask another. How does a straight man feel to be straight?  People often believe that homosexuality is a way of life, as a conscious choice. Sure, we don't do hammers, and nails and saws, but that does not mean we choose to be effeminate. It is neither our desire to be dammed by religion nor is it our whim to defy the herd mentality. It is not a switch we turn on one fine morning and say "Oh! Today I want to challenge the world" If it were so, we'd have had the switch turned off long ago instead of waking every morning to put on our strongest face. If I were to conclude, being gay is no different than being straight.

Interviewer: How did your mother handle you coming out of the closet?

Me: To answer your second question, how did you mother handle me coming out? Well I have to go back a few years. In her foreword to The Bluest Eye, Morrison says "it may even be that some of us know what it's like to be actually hated - hated for things we have no control over and cannot change. When this happens, it is of some consolation to know that the dislike or hatred is unjustified - that you don't deserve it. And if you have the emotional strength and/or the support from family and friends, the damage is reduced or erased” I’d be denying if I said I was not a victim of bullying. For the longest I was ashamed to even admit it as I felt it only made me weak. His name was Vivek Sharma and he amongst others made school hell. But the person that made my life hell was my mother and not just her but my entire family. She knew about it and avoided it. Now that it's official, she has tried to make peace with it but her concept of gay is a little elusive. So I cannot say she's fully accepting. Having that said I’d like to add that I blame my mother for nothing but forgive her for everything.

Interviewer: Do you think India is out of the closet?

Me: In any given society, there's always that what is said to define the society and that what actually does. While I have been led to believe that the Indian society is unforgiving to gay people. I have yet to encounter an Indian that I have come out to and not accepted me. I believe it's a matter of perspective. Coming from an Islamic country, this place seems more accepting and open. But it may not be the same for someone from say Canal Street, Manchester.  I’d also like to add that coming out does not necessarily mean wearing your sexuality on your sleeve. To me it’s just telling the people I know, people whose opinion and judgment of me, matters more than a piece of valuable garment.